As there is all this slander against my character, I would like to clarify a few points. I was not in my apartment, but hiking through the woods, where I came across a group of school children under attack from a pack of wolves and four mutated black bears. After fending off the wolves (note not killing, as they are dogs and I am not named Vick) I assaulted the bears, using only a hatchet I found nearby. With only one left, it amazingly wrenched the hatchet from my hand and began wielding it violently at the children. Diving in front of the bear's first blow, I deflected the blade with my finger before putting the bear into a sleeper hold, laying it to rest. And well, the rest is history....(which I majored in, so my analysis must be true!)

Anyhow I live down in Denver now, just started up some law school and rugby, all of which is quite glorious. I recommend that you all move here, especially now that the mutated black bears have been pacified. Hope all is well with you folks.