Time to Spare

Hello Friendzos,

Well, the school year is over, which means that I don't have a job anymore for a while. I've got something lined up for July, but for the next couple weeks, I just get to focus on training. It's nice to know that my schedule won't be quite as crammed with obligations because I was getting a little run-down trying to work full-time and train.

The team's first camp of the summer is next week. We'll do physical testing and a lot of classroom sessions. We also have some team-building stuff to do. It should be a very productive week, and I'm really excited to see how I stack up against my teammates. It also marks the start of more structured team training, which I'm grateful for. It's a lot easier to get the work done when you're in a group.

On an unrelated note, an 8-year-old performed a ceremonial rite on me last weekend at a graduation party that he said made me half Canadian, so I've got that going for me now! (get your mind out of the gutter!) The ceremony consisted of putting a CANADA bandana on my head and over my eyes for two minutes. Then he pinned a Canada button on my shirt, and I was good to go. I asked if he could make me full Canadian, but he told me he wasn't a government employee. Oh well.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

The Voyage of the SS AeroBed!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm sooo excited about this. It took me forever to edit, but it's perfect and I'm very proud of it. WATCH NOW!

The Girls

Hey Everyone,

As I hope you've all seen on Facebook, I got chickens this week! There are two black ones and two buff ones, and their names are Tanya, Dolly, Patsy, and Loretta. They are really funny, and we've been having a great time together so far. Tanya is the most curious and most assertive. She likes to try to jump/fly out of the pen, but she isn't strong enough yet. Dolly obviously has the biggest bossom, and she's also the most motherly. Patsy and Loretta are skittish and go on little sprints around the pen, which startles the others and they go on little sprints of their own.

Today was the girls' first trip outside, which was a very scary proposition for four naive, young hens. At first, the sight of so much grass, the feel of the wind at their breasts, and the prospect of the unknown was too much to handle. They huddled in a corner and took turns trying to squeeze themselves between the front steps and the house. Then a little spider caught Tanya's eye!

"What be this little morsel scurrying with such allure," she wondered? "Maybe, I'll peck it... yes... I will. YES! Spiders are the yummiest!"

After that the secret was out. The ants suffered serious casualties along with the spiders who called the top of the foundation home. Even one hapless worm met his demise. Man were they excited about that worm. I think Patsy found it, and she immediately tore off across the run with it swinging from her beak. The other girls understood that clearly Patsy had found a treasure and took off after her squabbling for her to slow down.

The next fun game was to dig nests. Dolly made the game up (she is the most motherly). She squatted down and splayed to one side. Then she began kicking dirt all around her, slowly making a nice little depression to relax in. Of course Loretta became jealous and tried to dig an adjoining nest. This annoyed Dolly, who began to dig again to show that her nest was the best. Unfortunately for her, this just made Loretta topple onto her because now she was on a slope. Meanwhile, the other two took turns standing on the nesters to show them how lame they were. In the end, Dolly was evicted from her nice deep nest. Loretta decided to share the new mega-nest with Patsy, and Dolly was left to chase more bugs. Tanya never quite got the hang of nesting. She would crouch down on her haunches, but keep her tail and butt high up in the air. She'd then make a few cursory scratches at the ground, but not enough to make even the slightest depression. It looked more like a "Do me!" pose than a nesting pose. Hopefully she'll get the hang of it by the time she starts pooping eggs.

Anywho, the trees have finally leafed out, and today it felt like summer might actually happen after all. I think the rain returns tomorrow. Boo! I hope you're enjoying wherever you are.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

P.S. The solo picture is Tanya.

Back in Vacationland!

Hey You All,

I'm back in Maine, and it's nice to be home. I've been hittin up the climbing wall at UMPI a lot lately, and I'm generally enjoying not having a training schedule for a couple of weeks. It will be time to get focused again after Easter, but for now it's whatever, whenever.

There's still some skiing here, which is nice, but the snow's going fast! Here's a pic from last week to help you imagine my life.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Sun Valley, named by Someone with a Sense of Irony

Hey All,

So I'm in Sun Valley, and my first race was today! It was a 3.3km skate 'prologue.' I haven't raced in over a month, so there was a bit of rust to shake off, but it went pretty well. The course was really tough, but I had a good strategy, and I'm happy enough with my result (65th, but the front was dominated by several Olympians from the US, Canada, and even Japan, so it was a legit field). Tomorrow is a mass start 15km classic race. Should be killer. After that we have a day off, then a classic sprint, followed by a hill climb.

Sun Valley is sort of a funny place. It's all sage brush, and not as much snow as I envisioned. It's also not glitzy at all. I figured it would feel a bit more like Aspen because so many stars come here, but it's really not that big a deal. There also hasn't been much sun. We had one partly cloudy afternoon, and the rest of the time it's been overcast. I guess the folks who named it showed up during a nicer week. At least it hasn't been too cold.

Hope you're all well, and ready for spring!

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Home Sweet Home... Sort Of

I'm in Steamboat, and it is really nice... I'm talking T-shirt weather nice. Add that to a little trip to Azteca Taqueria, and things are pretty damn good. The only weird part is that my parents are currently living in a temporary place, and I've never lived here before. It feels strange to come home to a place I've never lived. Oh well, it's still wonderful to be here!

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Holy Crap

Hey All,

Dropped the ball on posting this winter, sorry. Hopefully a couple of you have found your way to my blog on the Maine Winter Sports Center site. It's a bit more consistent.

Anyway, I've just embarked upon a March skiing odyssey. I'm in Minneapolis right now for Junior Olympics. I'm coaching for the New England team, and it's pretty sweet. We're staying right downtown, and the hotel is really nice. First race on Monday, I think. I'll leave MN on the 14th to fly home to Steamboat for a couple weeks. I can already taste the burritos... Also, I'm pretty excited play in the mountains and remind myself why I'm such a snow snob. Then it's off to glitzy Sun Valley, ID for the finals of the national pro circuit. It's called the SuperTour, but it's not worth googling. There's no website: perhaps the stupidest thing in the history of marketing. They're trying to establish a pro racing circuit in the US and they won't build a website. Anyway, I've never been to Sun Valley, and the racing should be great. I'll also be totally acclimated, so I should be able to kick ass.

Let me know if you can join me at any point during my March Odyssey as I miss you all, and love seeing you. Otherwise, send me some good vibes and I'll do the same for all of you.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

Hey Everyone,

I hope your holidays are treating you well. I did Christmas with a friend's family, but she and her mother got a stomach flu and spent the day puking. It was weird, but her dad got me a BB gun, so we went out and shot shit for a while. He hit a squirrel with his BB gun, but it didn't draw blood. It just pissed the squirrel off and the poor rodent spent the afternoon chattering and shaking its fists at us.

New Years promises to be uneventful for me as my first race of National Championships is on the 2nd, and I need good sleep. That means you're all responsible for doing the shit that I normally would. Please drink irresponsibly, head-butt people, and get your asses grabbed.

Next post after race #1...

Love and Adventures,

Toast

The Time is Nigh

Hey Everyone,

It's time for an update. I've been kinda all over the place lately, but race season is drawing near, and I'm mentally streamlining my life so I can really focus. At least that's what I'm telling myself... You all know that I have a gift for stretching myself thin and seeing how many things I can juggle at once. Right now it's training/racing, three part-time-ish jobs, volunteerism (lots), feebly hunting sponsors (because I've been dawdling), and life. My attempts at streamlining will probably only succeed if I quarantine myself in my car out in the woods, but it's calming to think about anyway.

Recent Highlights:

First a good story about subbing.

Severe Needs Student (SNS): What are those pictures?

Me: They are landmarks. There are the Pyramids in Egypt, Mount Rushmore, and the Great Wall of China.

SNS: I like the faces mountain.

Me: Yeah, those are presidents.

SNS: Is it a bike park?

Me: No, it's a national park.

SNS: Where is Faces Mountain?

Me: South Dakota

SNS: and that's the bike park?

Me: Sort of...

Then later in gym...

SNS: I need wings!

Me: What?

SNS: I need wings for the bike park.

Me: Oh, you want to fly to Mount Rushmore to visit?

SNS: How far?

Me: South Dakota is a long way from here.

SNS: SEX-AND-THE-CITY!

Me: WHAT?!

SNS: Sex and the city, sex and the city...

Me: That's what I thought

Second, I made some pumpkin ravioli last night from scratch, and I'm so proud of it that I can't help bragging just a bit. The pasta was one of my better batches. My friend has stolen her mother's pasta roller for me, so it was pretty easy to roll out. The filling had canned pumpkin, ricotta, parmesan, salt, and chili powder. The sauce was made out of browned butter and toasted walnuts. It was awesome. I made it at a friend's house because the walnuts would have killed my housemate, Lauren (super nut allergy). Then we invited a couple other people over and had classy dinner.

Lastly, my first races of the season are next weekend in Craftsbury, Vermont. I'm getting pretty nervous about it because I want my comeback to be glorious and noteworthy, but it's really not a very important race. I don't always deal well with nerves, so I'm working hard at not putting pressure on myself. At any rate, I'll let you know how it goes. Hopefully I'll have happiness to report.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Turkeys

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I'm thankful for you.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

P.S. Still working on those pictures, as promised...

Stop Crushing my Party Penis, You Booby Goose!

Just wanted to let you all know that I carved a party penis in my pumpkin this Halloween, and my housemate, Lauren, made a booby goose. You may be asking yourself, "What are those, Toast? You're so ridiculous." Well, friends, the title of this post is a direct quote (what I heard, but most likely not was actually being said) from one of my teammates as we drove back from a rollerski race at the end of last month. Needless to say, I almost peed my pants when I heard Derek, a short, stocky ex-football-player-cum-Nordie with no mental filter (picture a human warthog), blurt this out. Since then, these have been the hot, new slang words on the team, and they are so much fun that I want to share them with you. Picture a smiling penis with a nice party hat and some confetti and fireworks. Then picture a goose with a good, hefty pair of tits. It just doesn't get any better. Hopefully by the time I figure out how to post the pictures of the pumpkins to this blog, you'll be spicing up your social life with these hot new expressions. However, if you're not, the pictures will convince you. These were blue ribbon-caliber pumpkins...really they were.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Fall, Snow, SHIT!

Hey Everyone,

The first snowflakes of the year started falling this morning. It was a great sight, but it didn't make my morning workout any easier. We are still on rollerskis, of course, but it's exciting to know that I'll be skiing in less than a month. I'm starting to feel much more confident, and I might actually kick some ass this season! It's been such a long summer of training and relearning to be an athlete that I haven't let myself think about racing much yet. I know that I still have so much ground to cover that I'm nervous about getting my hopes up. On the other hand, my coach is pumped about the progress I'm making, and I know that I'm doing what I need to do. I guess my fist good test will be on Halloween, when we are doing a rollerski race against all the colleges in Maine. It will be a good way to see where I'm at.

I've been substitute teaching a lot lately. It's a pretty good gig, and the people I work with seem to think I'm good at it. Yesterday was funny. I was an aide for a kindergarten class, my first time with kids younger than 3rd grade, and they were very affectionate. I got 20+ hugs, and everyone wanted to play with me at recess (yes, my self esteem is linked to the opinions of 5 year olds). It took about five minutes for all the kids on the playground to start chasing me hither and thither and screaming wildly. Eventually I let them catch me, and picked a new person to get chased (clearly a great honor); then another; then another. I honestly think those kids would have played "chase" for the entire afternoon if the bell hadn't rang.

After lunch a kid crapped his pants to the MAX! (more on this later). The main teacher had to go do damage control, so I was left in charge for the afternoon. We played shape bingo and I read stories, and it was lots of fun. I even got to give out some awards. I really didn't have to do any serious teaching all day, which I liked about kindergarten. Anyway, this little pooper had shit his pants so explosively that it had escaped from his pull-ups and inundated his shoes! I didn't have to bear witness to the horror, but I can only imagine the scene. I figure it was reminiscent of that part in "I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell" when Tucker Max craps all over the lobby of some hotel. Anyway, the kid's grandpa didn't bring him spare clothes, so they apparently stuck the kid in some old scrubs and had to carry him out to the car because his shoes were unwearable. I was later told that this was the fifth kid in class to crap their pants this week! If I'm ever subbing and some kid poops in his pants, I'm just sending him outside. I refuse to deal with such a complete goat-fuck. Anyway, they pay $70/day, so at least it's easy money and I'm not going broke anymore. Maybe next post I'll tell you about the severe needs kid that tried to make out with me on Thursday... Yep, not a boring day yet.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Updates on Blogs, Life

Hi Everyone,

It's been too long since I blogged here last. I have a new blog on the Maine Winter Sports Center website (mainewsc.org) that has been keeping me busy. Please check it out if you have a chance. It can give you a bit of an idea of what I've been up to lately.

It's been a good start to fall. Since an amazing trip home, where I hiked Mt. Massive with Sophie and Caroline Hunt among other things, I've been in Maine training and working. I have to apologize to Taylor for never making it up to visit him. I wish I had been able to, but the three weeks I was home ripped by sooooo fast.

I'll regale you with just a couple highlights from Ski Town USA. My dad and I got permission to fish a private section of the Elk River below a private club called Maribou. Maribou stocks big rainbows in their water (14in+), and the fish immediately spread out up and down stream. That meant that Papa Toast and I spent the afternoon landing fish after fish as big as 21 inches. It was awesome. Another great trip we took was a backpacking trip in the Zirkel Wilderness. We hiked in to Luna Lake, where we fished and hiked for the weekend. During the trip, we saw a herd of more than 20 bighorn sheep, I swam at my new highest elevation (above 11,000 ft), and we caught lots of happy, fat cutthroat trout.

Since Steamboat I've been doing an "intensity block" of training. I have done a couple cycles where I do intervals 4-5 times in 3-4 days. Then I take a couple days off to recover. Hopefully, it has helped bump up my top speed.

I've also been subbing in local schools. I had a conspicuous start to my teaching career when, as I got out of my car on my first day, two girls passed by, giggled, and sped up their pace. When I got to the door to the school, the girls were waiting there staring out the window at me. As I opened the door, they awkwardly turned away and pretended they weren't spying. One leaned over to the other and whispered something to the other. Then the other whispered back (too loudly), "He's right behind us!" That basically set the tone for things. The girls gawk and the boys try to show me that they're really cool. Luckily, because all the kids want to impress me, they are really well behaved. The third graders have been the roudiest bunch so far, and I've taught everyone from 3rd-12th graders.

Tomorrow, I'm heading out to a training camp on a ranch my coach's family owns near Cody Wyoming. It should be a really cool two weeks, and as you know, I'm always happy to be in the mountains.

I'll try to post here again soon, but if I lapse, check the MWSC blog. It's pretty cool.

Love and Adventures,

Toast

Quick Update on a Lot of Things

Hey All,

I'm about to go to bed, but wanted to let you all know a bit about my life right now. I'm getting faster. I'm very excited about that. I'm having a hard time staying patient, but I'm really motivated right now and training well.

I'm leaving for Steamboat tomorrow, and I'll be home in time for a burrito on Wednesday! I haven't been home in about 14 months, so you can only imagine how badly I'm jonesin' for some quality time in the mountains. I'm also really excited to go fishing with friends, see Mama and Papa Toast, climb a mountain with Sophie and Caroline Hunt, do some geology with Tay, and show Sweeney some local secrets when he gets there. I'm home for almost three weeks, and it's going to be GLORIOUS!

In other news, my garden is actually producing food this year, which is a constant source of pride for me. I've been picking lettuce, Swiss chard, kale, onions, carrots, and tomatoes, and there's a lot more to come. One of my housemates has a book called the Encyclopedia of Country Living, and I've been going nuts with it lately. I've made cherry jam with cherries I picked, I'm up to my tits in raspberries and blueberries that I foraged, and I've been keeping a sourdough starter for making bread, pancakes, and all kinds of other great, sour stuff. I realize that all this makes me sound very domestic, but just keep in mind that I did a 21mile mountain bike race on Sunday, trained 17 hours last week, and have a VO2max that's twice that of the average guy my age. I'm gonna kick ass this winter!

On a more solemn note, my heartfelt condolences go out to Dan Heinrich and his family. I hope you are able to celebrate a life well lived.

Love and Adventures,

Toast